


Tame

by Anonymous



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders-centric, Drabble, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Intrusive Thoughts, Sympathetic Remus, Whump, is this a Drabble?? Aksksks I think, me projecting onto Remus for 500 words straight, 😬😬😬 sorry it gets a little dark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:28:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25150897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Tame.That’s the only word Remus can really think of at the moment.He bites himself back from gawking at them, from laughing at their horrified and disgusted and disturbed expressions. Because everything he lets them see is just so tame.
Kudos: 40
Collections: Anonymous Fics





	Tame

Tame.

That’s the only word Remus can really think of at the moment.

He bites himself back from gawking at them, from laughing at their horrified and disgusted and disturbed expressions. Because everything he lets them see _is just so tame._

Thoughts of murder, it’s all been done before. It’s edgy and whatever and doesn’t really bother him. Not truly. Not as much as the others. 

The sex jokes? That’s nothing. It’s just what any twelve year old laughs about. 

It’s all just so tame, and already they want to kill him for it. Hide him, banish him away, ignore and repress. They already detest him and everything he is. Even when he’s useful, like when he understands a beautiful story of death, or when he enables them to write and understand sadness and problems and how not everything is sunny roses. How it _shouldn’t_ be all sunny and roses. 

They still want him gone more than anything. It’s not like he can blame them.

But it’s all just so tame, so achingly tame, that Remus feels almost out of place. Not like he shouldn’t be there, but like everyone’s behind, a child compared to him. It’s a weird feeling, and he hates his filthy self for feeling it, but he can’t help but to think it’s funny how it’s almost a twisted opposite of how he used to feel, back when the biggest thing they were repressing was how much they thought about how pretty boys were. 

All very funny.

_Tame._

He hates it all.

The main thing he feels about himself is disgust. That; and fear. 

He hates it all. So much, so goddamned much. He’s happy for once, in a good moment, chuckling with Roman, when suddenly his thoughts are not his own and they’re wrong and horrible and not how he feels. 

He can’t bring himself to say it, never to anyone, hardly to himself, he’s so ashamed. Ashamed of what his thoughts do to him, how they ruin any happiness he ever gets. He sees Janus sleeping, and his thoughts tear him down, he sees a cute dog and his thoughts tear him down, he tries to hang out with his brother and his thoughts absolutely destroy him in the worst way possible. 

He can’t escape it.

_Like looking in a funhouse mirror. You see everything you don’t want to be._

That's true. Everytime he looks in the mirror, that's exactly what he sees. 

Himself.

Disgusting and revolting and not meant for the light of day. A collection of the deepest darkest things people hate about themselves. Everything people don’t want to be. 

_Your thoughts don’t define you,_ they say to comfort themselves, as they shove and cut and push and scream Remus into a box, make him the sheer brunt force of every thought they don’t want. Isn’t that what defines him? How inherently wrong he is, inherently evil, inherently disgusting and perverse and him? 

He’s scared. Every day. Scared of what his thoughts mean, scared of how he knows the others would react, scared of how people view him, scared of his own vulnerability, scared of the fact that people change, feelings change, scared of what he could become, scared of what he was forced to be.

He’s always laughed, almost in awe, at how Virgil thought a side could duck out. Could die, could fade away into the nothing.

They can’t. 

Remus knows this, he tries everyday. And, well. Here he is. Alive and writhing and people’s worst nightmare, including himself’s. 

**Author's Note:**

> AHHH it’s so obvious I didn’t know what to do for the title lol
> 
> Thanks for reading my pain I worked hard on it
> 
> Drop a comment so I feel like a human being again? :,)


End file.
